I'm 26 years old and feel like a mad woman...
I went through years of sexual abuse in the past.
I stopped drinking, doing drugs and all that nasty self-harm patterns 4 months ago. I started therapy a year ago but, hadn't scratched the surface of things until after I got sober really.
At first with 20mg of Celexa and being sober I felt wonderful! However, it didn't help with flashbacks of all the things I tried to forget or numb with drugs and booze...
The more I work through my past the bigger the flashbacks get. My therapist isn't pushing me, I lead the sessions.
November is when a lot of bad things started to happen to me in the past and being sober for the first time in years I'm remembering EVERYTHING! Its like some scary nightmare being replayed in my head over and over. Its been the worst ever this weekend after I heard about something scary on television.
I live alone and not many people know about this part of my life.
I keep having this "sense of panic and dread" in my mind and body. You know how you may have felt as a child after a really bad dream or seeing a scary movie. It feels like that. I tried to talk to my mother but, she just changes the subject.
Is there anything to make them go away? Will I feel like this forever? How can I make myself less nervous and scared.... is there way to make the memories stop? .The only thing I know to do is drink but, I don't want to go down that road....I refuse to...but, I am just so scared right now...
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
Hello I am sorry to hear of your dilemma. I myself also suffered years of abuse as a child although not sexual just physical and mental I know how abuse effects your mind. Im sorry to say this, and doctors will tell you it isn't true and to take their medicine, but the best way to get through this is to stay sober and face what happened you have to relive each situation your mind gives you the "flashbacks" are most likely suppressed memories surfacing that need to be dealt with acknowledge what has happened to you, and also realize how it can make you a better person how you can learn from it. Good luck with this I hope I helped you in some way :)
I know how you feel, even 3 years after the abuse id get nightmares which led to an ed, depression,alcohol addiction and self harm. I was clean for a while, but I ****** up again.
I think you should focus on this:
you've been clean for 4 months. about 120 days, that's a lot. I bet each and everyday was hard but after a while it seems easier. you've been clean for so long, dont let it go(:
good luck <3
You need to go to a mental health facility as soon as you can, and get more help. Go to an emergency room and tell them and they will help you. No need to wait - just go!