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Of course, failure is a part of life and she needs to learn that. You don't have to have her fail everything. I think since she's 18 that it's time to cut back a bit. That way if she does fail then she's still at home where you can help her. I think it's great that you care so much for your step daughter! I only wish my step mother would have cared half as much as you. Be there to lean on but let her start to spread her wings, it's time for her to fly!

If she was, say, 24 I would tell you to stop helping. But the girl is 18 years old, if she is not taught how to register for classes, find a job, ect., how is she supposed to know? People need to realize that an 18 year old is still a teenager, you don't just throw a child to the wolves when they turn 18 and call it 'letting them make their own mistakes.' Be sure you are teaching her how to do these things as you are helping her do them, so that the next time she can do it with just a little assistance from you. There is a difference between letting someone fail and setting them up to fail because they haven't been taught the skills to succeed. You are doing the right thing. Continue to do so and be sure you are teaching her the skills she needs to be independent. Once she hits 21, you should be completely out of her decisions and she should be doing everything without any assistance from you. Take care!

Your husband is right. It sounds like she is a stubborn and will full child. I was the same way and I took for granted all the help I ever got until I was allowed to fail. Failure taught me that the world is a hard place where rules must be followed in order to succeed. She is an adult and if you weren't able to teach her this by now then it is time she learned the hard way. I appreciate your concern as a caring mom, but she will be better off when you stop enabling her to be a screw up and allow her to learn to stand on her own. Unless you want this cycle to continue and then you can enable her forever, but she will never be successful until she learns what she must do to be successful. This is the only way she will ever succeed. It will be hard for you but good for her. When she learns what she must then you can help her and she will actually appreciate it instead of taking you for granted because she can.

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You need to let her fail or succeed on her own. Her life won't be ruined before she finishes school. Her credit might be bad. But with time it can get better.

You can find a job that she may like. And let her know it's available. It's up to her to actually get the job. I wouldn't go out of my way to find it for her either. If you happen to be out and see a help wanted sign, mention it to her.

Let her know when she needs to sign up for the testing. When the date comes near ask her if she has done it yet. It's totally up to her.

She's not going to learn anything by you doing this.

My ex-husband's mother did all this for him for years. I never realized it. I thought he had his stuff together. Little did I know it was his mom that has his stuff together. That was one of the causes of our divorce. No matter what happened, his answer was his mom would help us out. His mom would pay our rent if we decided to waste our money on stupid things. So we couldn't afford the car he bought. His mom would help us with that. There was no reason we couldn't pay our bills without mom helping us. His parents are now in some very deep money problems because of him. But they still won't stop. His dad is in his 70's and can't even think of retiring because they won't be able to live on his retirement and support their son and his new family too.

We don't like to see our kids fail. But how can they learn if they don't make mistakes. No matter what she does, chances are it won't ruin her life. If she doesn't pay the insurance, then she has to take the bus. Inconvenience for her. But that's how real life works.

I know you don't want her to fail, but what happens in January when she is done with school? She isn't going to magically know how to handle all of her responsibilities. Not in 4 months. She is an adult now and she may need help but you shouldn't be doing these things for her. Did she really need help with these things to begin with? Does she really need help to save her own money? Or register for the ACT? Sounds like you are taking help a bit too far and she isn't learning from that help.

As the mom of an 18 year old, I empathize.

That said...it's not a matter of "wrong". You see it as being supportive...but once kids are young adults, it can be "enabling", and make them not think ahead. It sounds like your daughter is protected form the consequences of her actions...and in the long run, that's not healthy.

Were something to happen to you, she would have to learn a lot the HARD way...with no protection from her mistakes. I watched this in a mom who's daughter hit her 30's---never once having to do anything she didn't "want" to do. The mom died---and her daughter was lost...because she simply wasn't used to taking care of her own life.

Give her the better gift...independence.

Good luck.

Your husband is wrong, do not let her fail before Shes began! He would be failing as a parent. Instead don't do it for her make her do it for herself. She's not gona learn if your doing it. Teach her to want to do there things to make her own life easier and that it has to be done in the real world and Theres no one to save you.

My mom is really involved in my sister's life and it drives them both nuts.

It's a vicious cycle. I call my mom my sisters enabler. She enables her to screw up because my sister knows she will run to her rescue every time. Then on the flip side, my sister can't do anything without hearing my moms criticism, her two cents and so forth - but my mom only acts that way because she knows if my sister fails it'll be her problem to fix.

I think it's very endearing how much you want to help her. I'm afraid though, you may be setting yourself up to be her enabler.

it is instinctive and natural for parents not to want their kids to fail. but the problem with always rescuing kids from failure is that they never get the chance to learn how to succeed. i'd let an 18-year-old make her own mistakes and learn from them. you can certainly offer guidance, but i'd leave the registering for testing, signing up for classes, paying her bills, hunting for a job, and so on, to her. it might not be doing her short-term favors but it is doing long-term ones.