I'm 18 at the moment but I think I've known this since year 8/9-ish when I think I had crushes on a few of my female friends. I've found I'll always notice like whether a girl's attractive but really don't care about guys. But then I've passed all that off as the fact we are socialised to view women through the 'male gaze' and that I was misinterpreting close friendship....
BUT I have had lots of crushes on guys - well, I really liked talking to them, but whenever we moved on from 'friends' it would get awkward (I didn't like them touching/kissing me) and I just didn't feel attracted to them as anything more than friends. But then I keep on trying to get into relationships. However I can just 'turn off' my 'crush' on them if I know they're not interested so maybe they're not crushes, just friendship? I know I'm really young and inexperienced though...
Two of my friends just came out, and one of them was very similar to me - failed to get past 'friend' status with guys even if they dated and she wrote her 4 unit English essay on gay rights (I'm writing a novel about two girls who end up falling in love - which was unintentional - and accidentally made the MC remarkably like myself)
Sorry, here are the questions:
To anyone who is gay, did something like this happen with you? Because in the back of my mind there's this nagging suspicion that I'm straight and just dating the wrong people OR that I'm gay and I'm just too scared of being different that I'm suppressing it all.
Even writing this it sounds a lot like I am gay... (How) should I tell my friends or when I start dating a girl should I just turn up and let them fill in the blanks? They're all very tolerant - 4 of them are gay/bi too (all in relationships atm), so rejection's not the problem but I feel everyone makes such a big deal out of it and ATM as I'm single my sexuality won't have any impact on my life. Being gay wouldn't make me any different from who I've always been and it doesn't really feel like liking girls is any different from liking guys. I just don't feel like it's anyone's business other than my own...
And I'm not 100% sure yet - I'd rather get in a relationship with a girl and then figure it out. BUT I have no idea how to get 'out there' - I'm very introverted and the majority of the female population is (unsurprisingly) straight. IDK this is all very overwhelming.... (sorry for the paragraph but I have no idea what to do)
Answers & Comments
I want to though that in high school and I did date girl in high school I know I was gay in high school just I give my straight friend a ******** in the boy bathroom because this girl friend was not give him a ******** on the weekend the next day in school he ask him would you give me a ******** and I told him yes I. Would we shut the bathroom door and he pull this pants and pull this boxer down and I got on my knee and I give him that ******** the next day he drop out of high school and I drop out of school to my best friend name was Curtis Smart I don't ear from him no more if you have a gay friend then have sex with him on