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It sounds to me like the instructor is very immature, very inexperienced, and also a very poor instructor. There are some people that have trick joints or are double jointed and certain holds don't work very well on. I have a student that has wrists that are so lose you can't hardly do certain maneuvers or techniques on very easily or very well. A good, mature, experienced instructor will realize almost immediately if he is applying a hold up to the pain point but not past the point of safety and is applying it correctly and it is not working know that this particular person may have a trick joint. They certainly won't turn around and then when applying it to you make such a mistake and risk injuring you. That being said lets talk about you.

I have some students that like you don't want to hurt anyone but want to be able to defend themselves and do martial arts. I first ask them if someone broke into their home and started to hurt a family member what if anthing would they be willing to do to protect another family member. Most say they will do anything to protect them. So look at your training as a tool or means whereby you are learning how to protect yourself and those around you that may need it one day. Also in so far as pain goes and applying holds it is good that you are sensitive to that but when you apply holds and cause slight pain to a person you are helping them to become stronger and mentally tougher at the same time you are learning and developing your skill at applying it and the "touch" or amount of force or pressure that should go with practicing it safely. This is something that your instructor lacks or has obviously missed in his training. I hope you will stick with it as martial arts needs more people like you and fewer like him.

Well the whole point of martial arts is to hurt someone, when you life is on the line you need to build that killer instinct, infact, to have that instinct is why alot of people start in martial arts, to get back to that animal brain of theirs

You shouldnt go overboard either, i know some girls who go crazy and you dont want to end up breaking someones arm, but you shouldnt go too light either, its something you will have to work out on your own

The fact is that even when someone is trying to hurt you you can still freeze up, its because when you get under pressure you are no longer in control and if you have any kind of thought going through your mind like "i dont want to hurt this person" you will probably hold back on them

have you ever seen a fight where a guy just freezes up and lets the other guy pound them in the bar? it happons alot, it has happoned to me before, you just dont want to fight, you come up with reasons after ofcource, but the real reason is that your beliefs are stoping you and if you have bad beliefs its easy for fear to take over and by the time you really know your in danger it may be too late already, at times you have to make the first strike or pre emt an attack or you will freeze up

So that is why you practice, thats why you need to fight full contact and fight under tournament pressure, etc, good lucky i hope its not the end of your MA career

no it isn't.take the time to sit down with your instructor and tell him how you feel.we all have different ways of approaching the world of martial arts.for you it seems(and this is just my opinion)that what you experienced had more to do with your mindset after your instructor applied it to you.keep at it,with time and mental practice you will be able to develop the mental fortitude to excel in martial arts.also learning to master inner turmoil will allow you to approach each new lesson with an open mindset which is a key tool in learning martial arts.for how can you learn if you cannot focus. good luck.

You are just empathetic or benevolent, meaning you think about the well being of others. Pretty much a good human being! Have faith in those who look like they can take pain, so you can practice your skills.

But continue the martial arts, build your strength for when you might need it, because it's a crazy world!

Women have always been taught to be nice and play nice. This is years worth of ingrained teachings. Are you doing martial art for self defense? If so you will need to be able to perform the defenses for real and to experience them for real as well. You do not have to kill your partner but you need to know the difference in doing it halfway and doing it to the point where it creates enough pain to become a reliable self defense. Remember when push comes to shove and we are faced with a real life threatening situation, no one ever rises to the sitaution but we ALL fall to the level of our training. So what you do in the dojo is what you will do out on the street. If you are used to just play and do it halfway, that's what you are going to do on the street. Except that your partner on the street will not pretend to scream in pain. He'll just just get mad.

NO!! It's not the end of martial arts for you. Martial arts is to teach disciple and protect yourself from danger. It is not in any means to inflict pain on anyone intentionally. I say continue your training, it'll teach you your strengths and weaknesses. Good luck.

Fortunately, yes. You are a compassionate and gentle person and you were taught to be this way through example. You realize that you can cause pain if you need to, but refuse to. This makes you a wonderful person who many people should like.

i don't care what people say anyone can do anything as long as they want to if you really do want to take martial arts you will get over and not be afraid to hurt someone

Nah, I don't think so... Talk to your sensei about it. Or another way is that people insult you and hurt you for no reason and then you do it, but It's not that easy, I sorta have the same prob.

Try aikido--it's a soft sport and it's defensive. We use momentum and timing to throw opponents. We use joint locks which can cause some discomfort if you try to wiggle out.