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Oh man. What was she thinking? I would be angry, too. It's not the same at all!

I'm sorry for your loss. I, too, suffered a m/c and struggled with infertilty for many years. It was hard.

Good luck in ttc again,

Deb

well...besides what your thoughts are on Abortion, there are women who having an abortion is a "big deal" is not an easy decision, there are different circumstances that you might not be aware about this woman that lead her to perform an abortion, who knows...what her circumstances were, it is very easy for someone to judge and criticize the person who's having the abortion...but you don't know what was behind that big decision. Of course is not the same as a miscarriage, but for some women it is as hurtful as a miscarriage, that's why I get soo mad when someone judge a woman for wanting or choosing an abortion when they do not know the reason behind it. And whatever the reason is....I know IT IS NEVER EASY TO CHOOSE AN ABORTION!!

Sometimes it's very hard to say something that will comfort you on this sad event and perhaps she thought that with saying that you would feel better ...I am sure she didn't know that comment would make you mad...but may be when you pass from being mad and hurt you can ask her why she had an abortion...probably then you could comprehend why she related your MC with her abortion.

I think you are being alittle narrow minded. Let me tell you my story. 10 years ago I was pregnant. I was also very sick and taking several medications each day. The pregnancy was not planned and I was in shock. I was then told by my ex-obgyn, I had a choice to make me or the baby. Not getting another opinion and being very young, I had to make a choice to live. I have never forgotten that day or the day of the dnc. It is to this date one of the saddest in my life. But I chose it. My point for telling you this is that you will never know the reasons why people do things but it is not your responsibility to judge. Come to find out I never needed that procedure now I have to live the rest of my life double guessing. and now I have been TCC for 4 years and feel like I have not because of pay back. so, so I understand both sides of your story YES without a doubt. Just so you know I wanted my baby too.

Your not nasty. 1. You are dealing with a lot of emotions and I think to some extent she wasn't so smart in thinking that her telling you this would make you feel better. 2. I think that while she probably should have kept the info. to herself, she probably was not trying to get you upset, and perhaps her ignorance to the idea that would upset you says a lot about what she went through. 3. I think that since you are going through a lot of emotions you are probably less receptive to concidering that the abortion may have been a very emotional experience for her and if this had come up a few months ago in casual conversation, you may have entertained the conversation. 4. I see nothing wrong if you didn't want to entertain it now. If her intentions in saying that was to help you...and it didn't, then who cares if you are nasty. That wasn't the purpose of the discussion.

5. My personal feelings...though obsolete to how you should feel, are that losing a child is really hard. Getting over it is very difficult as well. You are left with a lot of wonder and feelings of loss. I think you often suffer these feelings of guilt because moving on with your life is hard if you grew attached to that baby. Or guilt that it was somehow your fault. I think aborting a baby can be incredibly hard as well. I think for many of the same reasons, and for many different. I would imagine that a woman dealing with an abortion has feelings of wonder, but much more feelings of guilt and fear of the consequences of a decision she made rather than something that just happened to her. Is one harder to deal with than the other...I don't think you can compare. Like I said earlier, the idea that she even thought the statement could make you feel like she could empathize with you may suggest that she was attached to her baby and aborting it was too emotional for her. I think if she truly was ignorant to what losing a child felt like to someone who wanted it...she wouldn't have brought it up.

Just to add, not being ready to have a child, and making a decision in which you feel is the better choice for your future doesn't mean you don't want the baby nor that you don't get attached. I think there is a lot of fear behind that, but rarely is it the feeling of dislike for the child you concieved. I don't know...you have made me think a little, but overall I just think both situations are really painful. Now you have me wondering if maybe she brought that up because she felt like she had someone to talk to. I really don't think she was trying to upset you. I think she had positive intentions...but perhaps a little ignorant.

By the way. I recently dealt with some heartache of my own. I can't tell you how impactful watching this season episode of Runs House was for me. (they lost a baby, almost full term I believe.) Upon hearing that last year, my heart went out to them and I believed we wouldn't see that season of the show. (they taped the whole thing, could you imagine?) I even believed we shouldn't see it. I couldn't believe it when I saw them air the commercial for the episode in which justine went into labor. Then I watched the family on Oprah before the episode premiered and when they explained why they chose to air it, I felt such respect and admiration for that family. I also felt empowered to heal some of the pain I was dealing with. They decided to air it because they felt that they let us into the happy times their family had, but recognized that life isn't always happy and it wouldn't be right to pretend it was. The decided to let us into the sad times. That episode and the emotion displayed was so real to me, that I recognized the ability to heal is within. If you haven't watched it. Do so. I would recommend the show to any family and anyone!

No you're not nasty. I think your view point is right on course. She was trying to sympathize.

Now you don't know if she had the abortion because the baby was not going to make it or what. Maybe they did want it and it just wasn't going to happen.

In any case, the abortion comment wasn't really appropriate. She could have sympathized and left that part out.

I don't balme you for being angry, she had no right to comapre the two. Yay for her on the abortion. but that was a CHOICE becuz as you stated she did not want the baby she murdered. sorry it is how i look at it.

i am very sorry for your loss but when a person aborts a baby i dont think they can call it a loss when they choose to terminate.

I hope you are able to get preggo again soon. again sorry for your loss.

I think she may be referring to the fact that she regretted doing it and knew the emotional stress you are under. Also she may have wanted the baby but had to abort due to medical reasons. But I don't think you are being overly angry...That would strike me as crappy too. But try to think that maybe she did want the baby just couldn't carry it to term do to malformations or a threat to her own health

well, thas a new one. i don't know why she would think that would make you feel better, but for her maybe it related...somehow. i cant imagine she meant to bother you with that, if you were comfortable enough to talk to her about it i don't think she would mean to make you mad.

I jus want to let you know that the only things that helped heal my wounds from my miscarraige were time and praying. I prayed a lot and kept asking God why he would bless me with a baby, but then take it away. I jus had to cry a lot, but everyday things got easier to deal with and God knew what he was doing. (sorry if you're not the religious type)

People can be so inconsiderate of others. I'm sorry for your loss. She was being very rude, and she might know what it's like to go through some of the physical aspects of losing a child, but she cannot understand what you are going through. What a frustrating comment!!!

Nope. You are feeling pretty normal for this situation.

But then again, maybe she actually regretted having the abortion and was talking more about how the guilt affected her.