ok so my boyfriend and i have been together for three years now. We have a mixed family (he has a daughter i have a son and daughter) and we have a baby together. I was coming out of a horrible marraige when we got together and made it clear i wasnt looking to be married ever again and he understood. Of course in three years time, i have warmed up to the idea of remarrying and have been dropping subtle hints to him that im ok with the idea of marrying him. and he has expressed quite clearly that he does want to marry me. which of course scared me back into my "not so sure" state of mind again.
The other day we were looking at jewelry on ebay and i put a few rings on the watchlist and told him ok, do whatever you want, look them over, choose one or dont.... ball is in your court and there are NO expectations.
My question I guess is, am I cheating myself out of a real proposal? I've let him know in one of our serious chats that if it were to happen again i wanted a real proposal unlike me ex gave me. I want him to get my dad's blessing, and i want a real proposal. Do you think i cheated myself out of this by doing what i did? If he bought one of the rings do i have a right to be disappointed if he doesnt do what he knows i would love for him to do?
Update:just to clarify things...
After telling him that the idea of remarrying is not so alien to me anymore i have not come out and SAID that i changed my mind, I am just stating that because of my last marriage when things started getting more real there was that Quick feeling of "maybe not" but i am not going back and forth with what i am telling him because all that is just a fear reflex. Nothing major, just something brought on by a bad past experience with marriage.
As far as the "NO expectations: thing... he knows that what i meant by it is that i do not expect him to buy a ring right now out of the choices i showed him, it was more of a "hey look these are cheap and i like the style" and if he doesnt get one then im not going to be all mad and broody about it.
Dont assume I'm immature simply because we had a baby and still want my father's blessing. My last husband practically told my dad AND me that we were getting married. My dad was robbed of the experience and tradition.
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Im not sure about that but if you have not accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior together I recommend that or you cheat yourself out of really knowing God. HE is right there waiting.
Lol. "... there are NO expectations"
And then you proceed to tell us all about your expectations. And you expect your boyfriend to know exactly what you want without telling him.
Well..., guys can be real dolts, so don't count on us doing exactly what you want unless you tell us explicitly. Honestly, if he doesn't want to get married, then you might be SOL. But you should try to get some sort of commitment from him, especially since you have started a new family with him.
lol you expect him to ask for your hand from your dad after three years and a baby.
just how mature are you.
Tell him that for the sake of the kids you think that getting married is the best thing as all of their rights and the possibility of S.S. too
You're cheating him out of his sanity! Figure out what you want and just tell him. Stop dropping hints. Flat out say it. You changed your mind, you do want to get married, you want to marry him. When it happens you want him to pick out and purchase a ring, speak to your dad and get his blessing and then give you a full fledged, down on one knee proposal. There...see how easy that was. Tell him, when he's ready, you're ready.
~aj!