I'm engaged to be married at the end of this month, to the man I've been with for 7 years. I love him, but I'm just bored of everything. And it really does hurt me to think this way. We only have sex maybe 2 or 3 times a month and I crave it more and initiate almost all of the time.
Here's where I'm in trouble, I've met someone who I've connected with on so many levels. We haven't done anything but it's been so hard because we connect so well. There is a definite mutual attraction going on here.
What makes this even more difficult is that I find it even harder when I've grown so close to my fiance's family, that his depressed younger sister sees me as her sister and savior for when things start to get ugly. His mom is like my mom, hell, I probably see her more than my own mother.
I find myself grasping for something to end this, but things seem so perfect, except for me...
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Verified answer
If you are falling in love with someone else leave now. If you are searching for something more because the relationship is stale, then maybe you can salvage it. But you must cut all ties with the new guy.
you can't have both.
Do not stay in a relationship because of any of the following reasons:
a) It would be too hard to break up and hurt him
b) I love his family
c) I've agreed to marry him
You are only hurting yourself and him by staying in the relationship. It will only get more complicated and messy once you're married.
Either figure out who you really want to be with or get counseling, you can't string this guy along because of your own indecisiveness, that's selfish.
Maybe you should confront him and tell him how you feel. Maybe reality will hit him hard in the face and he'll improve himself just for you. Maybe you'll discover a side of him you never knew. And are you sure you want to throw away 7 years for this other one man who might have flaws your uaware of?
persevere and show your a person of unshakable faith. stay with your man and he will have the strong sincere woman you are meant to be for him. then start to communicate. find in him something you admire, and then bring it out. he may not remeber who he is in this relationship anymore, i can tell cause it seems the same for you. work on the communication.
Contact your fiance today and tell him it's off. Explain that you want to meet with him on Saturday to discuss it and you won't discuss it before then. Don't take his calls or respond in any way until Saturday. Collect your thoughts and tell all on Saturday.
Your story sounds very familiar. I have a close friend who went through the same dilemma and was also with her guy about 7 yrs. When I first met her fiance I knew he loved her more than she loved him and always thought to myself that it was not a fair relationship and she ought to get out of it - even though he was a lovely guy. She'd go through phases of discontentment and I'd advice her to break it up but she'd convince herself she could carry on. She went to uni with him, they had financial security, a lovely apartment, they had the same group of friends, they got on with each other's families, and she liked to live in the lap of luxury. But she wasn't happy to her core. I knew of a couple of guys she had almost had affairs with but she always ended things before they went too far. Eventually she agreed to marry her fiance seeking to bury her head in the sand. But recently she met a guy who rocked her world. I knew what that meant. They latest guy who had immense charm who showed her what real chemistry was. It was like nothing she'd ever experienced. But it wasn't the guy she really wanted I felt. It was what he represented. Freedome, a single life free to experiment, and a chance to find someone she really connected with. Unfortunately she was one day seen with him by her fiance. I guess to patch things up quickly she decided to go ahead and marry him. They got married in Greece and she invited all her friends and family to fly out there and so did her. And then the day after she married him she regretted it and told him she wanted out. She went through 6 months of hell after that. She lost a lot of her friends who sided with him. She broke his heart and learned the hard way. I think she could have avoided all that had she been stronger and ended it a lot sooner. They went their separate ways, selling their home, and going abroad to separate countries.
It would be better to break things up now rather than later on down the line. Things may seem perfect but your finace deserves a woman who will love him the way he probably loves you, and you owe it to yourself to go out there and find what you really want. It's easy to get into comfortable and safe relationships but they're not the answer to life and love or a trouble-proof relationship. My friend by the way has recently returned to the UK and is now living with a guy she's in love with and they're working to build up a business together. Good luck!
I connected with your mum last night